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It's been now 15 Days on my own. Well 16 while i'm writing this. Most of the blogs as of late have been about training this one will take a step back and talk about my feelings. This blog will be mostly about thoughts, some uncertainty and the thought of really being on my own has sunk in.
It's scary to kind of throw it all out there like this. Never know what to expect. I can tell you since leaving a job that I've had since the start of college has been a switch. I used to be very logical in how to be productive in labor. You know what is the most common sense way to get something done quickly. Now it has switched to thinking things through. About stretching my ideas and putting those into action. It's not like today where I trimmed my tree and then chopped it up into three piles of limbs for burning. No, not like that at all. Now it's actual ideas getting thrown out there. Ideas that may or may not help generate growth. I feel like the biggest feeling here is rejection. I keep thinking what if. I battle this little voice everyday. The growing part for me has started. I have to put the what if's in the waste basket. In the wise words of Yoda, "there is no try only do"!. He's wise. This week has been about brain storming and writing and designing new ideas. Getting ready to release a new service. Don't know what the reception will be like. I don't have a choice anymore to care what people may or may not think about it. If it's rejected then I just need to try something else. Getting used to the fact that 9-1 0 tries you will not succeed at anything but wasting time and not even trying will guarantee me a 10-10 fail.
I believe i'm sitting here because of fate. I believe on every level this is where and what i'm supposed to be doing. I'm truly passionate about helping people. By helping people achieve the relationship with their dog they've always wanted. I have started to look for a part time job. Not because you might think i'm throwing in the towel but to get some health insurance. I'm sure it'll look like i'm failing. To me it's allowing me to have more time. I'm being extremely patient. The pressure of it all is starting to resonate with me. It's either I choose to live or I choose not to live this life. That last sentence was figuratively. I'm meaning in a sense of working for myself or a big company for a career.
One big thought I've had over the last few days is this. I'm starting to think I like my back against the wall. It makes me focus. During my cancer diagnosis a few years ago. I had to focus and understand that my time may be ending sooner than anticipated. I became very spiritual and didn't care what others thought of me. Only wanted to give as much of me as possible. I believe here again I have that same feeling. After the treatment was done and I went back to work. It was just all over. The nightmare as some called it. I called it an adventure. The people I met. The conversations I had. Just an incredible time of my life. Scary, yet incredible. I feel the same way now with all of you. I find myself giving you my personal thoughts. Maybe for me it's not about getting lots of money. Maybe for me it's the adventure and seeing where this magnificently scary yet beautiful journey will take me. It actually started back in November. When I met someone that changed the course of my life. It was like a lightning bolt hit me. I have courage now because of the help of that person. In all of my heart the feeling of uncertainty is only financially. This is how we gauge the success of business. I know I won't quit. It's not in my DNA. I will continue to truck on through the mud, water, sand,and dirt. I don't know what next week will bring. I can tell you this though. I will be living it on faith that I will make it. Allowing myself to take me where I need to go.
Have a wonderful Sunday! next blog will be on training> something I like to call starting from the end!